The last break from Sharpe's Derpity begins with another one aimed at the ladies - for Max Factor mascara, which according to the makeup artist on Evita makes your lashes fat. Next, fromage frais, which is delicious and, Yoplait claim, has the magical power to make naughty boys nice, if only because while they're eating it they can't be murdering their toys or drawing pictures of daddy lying down dead or any of those other things they have to tell the social worker every month. Next up is the oft-forgotten final album by Genesis, which despite being fairly heavily promoted (I remember seeing this advert a lot, on TV and in the Radio Times) was bought by about eighty-three people, seventy of whom sent it back. So much for Ray Wilson. Next, Tom Clancy's Rainbow Grapes. A slightly alarming advert for Ribena grapey squash, featuring commando units of grapes fighting their way to a massive drinking glass in the middle of a copse, currently under siege from evil sugar cubes. My fa! vourite bit is the grape commander reprimanding one of his soldiers for shedding a tear over an enemy. Anyway, no added sugar squash is bollocks. Aspartame != sugar. Until they manage to create a synthetic sweetner that doesn't taste like a sugar beet farting in your mouth, it's a fool's squash. Next, what appears at the outset to be some kind of terrifying PIF in which children die in a fire turns out to be a slightly creepy advert for Cornwall's only theme park - Land's End doesn't count - Flambards
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